"The Paradise Lust Romance Series" Act 2, Scenes 6 & 7
Scene 6
(The Bimbo, Stew, and Norbert get back up. Delease storms off to a corner to cool down.)
Writer: Yeah, you’re right, Delease. That’s never been done before. Totally fresh.
Delease: Well, it’s a lot better than what you’ve been coming up with lately.
Writer: Come on, guys. Think intelligent. You know, culty, quirky, unique. Something with a real twist to it. I want people to think, at least a bit. There’s lots of great Canadian writers out there, and they’re all very cerebral.
Delease: Like your playwright hero, that Mighton guy? Didn’t he win a Grammy or something?
Writer: (Hand on her face in frustration) Yeah, like him. That stuff’s got substance!
Delease: His plays are creepy. He writes about necrophilia.
Norbert: I thought he wrote scientific and mathematical stuff.
Writer: He does.
Stanley: Well, it’s very nice that you have a role model.
Writer: We must be able to come up with something decent, guys!
Stanley: How about porn?
Writer: What?
Stanley: You know, erotica. Humans writing around on the floor, in the bath tub, the broom closet, the elevator, a fish tank...think of it as an expansion of what you’re already writing about, into FULL BLOWN erotica! You’re growing beyond mere romance.
Delease: (Glancing at Stanley’s pants) Speaking of growing...
Writer: Stanley, I’m not writing shit like that. I have my limits, you know.
Stanley: Au contraire! I don’t think you’re too far off the mark as it is.
Delease: Yeah, think of the possibilities. OOOH! In the first chapter, Stanley gets blown by Bookworm Bimbo here, but in the next chapter, he receives fellatio from the Redhead. Then he can get cum-sucked by the Brunette, and later he’ll be back to the original Bimbo! What a fascinating storyline!
Bimbo: Look, I don’t know if you’ve noticed or anything, but I’m still me, but with a super-amazing haircut! See? Oh, and the glasses.
(The Bimbo poses. Everyone stares at her blankly.)
Writer: Can we get back to genres, please?
Norbert: I still think that space thing -
Delease: Shut up.
Norbert: But -
Delease: I said, shut up.
Bimbo: How about a self-help book? Those are very cool! They help you, you know, help yourself. Like helping yourself to a danish.
Stanley: I don’t think that’s what they do, sweetheart.
Delease: But they could help you develop a personality of some sort.
Norbert: No, really, listen. There’s a whole sci-fi/fantasy cult genre thing going on. Once you write one of those books, you’ve got a following for life!
Writer: (After a pause for consideration, she gives in) Fine, go ahead.
Scene 7
(Lights dim as the characters rearrange themselves and the set. Delease is back on the couch “in stasis”, clutching an orange in her hands. Norbert is wearing a space helmet and Stanley is in a robe and wizard’s cap. The Bimbo and Stew hover in the corner wearing fairy wings.)
Norbert: IAM HEEEOOO FINEAERAIN ADY
Stanley: What say you, strange creature from the sky? Speak, or I shall place a thousand curses upon your soul.
(Norbert removes his helmet.)
Norbert: I am here to find a certain lady. (Spotting Delease) Ah! There she is.
Stanley: You speak of the Lady of Dreams. Some say she has slept here a millennia, perhaps longer.
Bimbo: (Stepping forward to speak) It’s a curse.
Norbert: There’s no curse. I have her in stasis. I must communicate with the mothership now. Excuse me.
(Norbert flips open a communicator and wanders away a moment. Stanley turns to Stew and the Bimbo.)
Stanley: Quick, nimble fairies, fly forth to Galderan and seek out Persea. She is the Witch of the North Sea. She must consult with Frenetta, the Sorceress. Tell them both to make haste and hurry forth to this, the land of Shapura. The halflings will guide them. Now, go - they will know what to do about this strange man.
(Stew and the Bimbo shrug and exit Norbert scans Delease.)
Stanley: Stop!
Norbert: What?
Stanley: It is forbidden to touch the Lady.
Norbert: I have to run a medical scan. The instruments will not harm her.
(Norbert continues his scan, then opens his communicator.)
Norbert: Captain, it’s her all right. And I’ve discovered something. She’s half Alpha Centaurian.
Stanley: There is no centaur blood running through her veins.
Norbert: She’s from a planet called Alpha Centauris. (Back to his communicator) Captain, I need HAL to run some tests. Here are the readings.
Delease: (Waking) Where am I?
Stanley: Gods! What has the Dark Lord visited upon us?
Delease: What’s with the toga?
Norbert: It’s a relief to finally find you, lieutenant.
Delease: Who are you?
Norbert: Oh no...
Stanley: Stand away from the Lady. This is obviously a ruse.
Norbert: She is obviously suffering from amnesia. You have no right to keep her here. She is part of our crew!
Delease: This mix is kinda confusing.
Stanley: She speaks in riddles. I know not what she means. You have poisoned her, cruel creature. Away with you!
Delease: And why am I holding an orange?
Norbert: Sustenance, in case you awoke.
Delease: Yeah, that makes about as much sense as this whole fucking thing.
Norbert: Delease!...
Those parties interested in producing The Paradise Lust Romance Series can purchase a sample copy at the base cost plus shipping - contact [email protected] to order.
(The Bimbo, Stew, and Norbert get back up. Delease storms off to a corner to cool down.)
Writer: Yeah, you’re right, Delease. That’s never been done before. Totally fresh.
Delease: Well, it’s a lot better than what you’ve been coming up with lately.
Writer: Come on, guys. Think intelligent. You know, culty, quirky, unique. Something with a real twist to it. I want people to think, at least a bit. There’s lots of great Canadian writers out there, and they’re all very cerebral.
Delease: Like your playwright hero, that Mighton guy? Didn’t he win a Grammy or something?
Writer: (Hand on her face in frustration) Yeah, like him. That stuff’s got substance!
Delease: His plays are creepy. He writes about necrophilia.
Norbert: I thought he wrote scientific and mathematical stuff.
Writer: He does.
Stanley: Well, it’s very nice that you have a role model.
Writer: We must be able to come up with something decent, guys!
Stanley: How about porn?
Writer: What?
Stanley: You know, erotica. Humans writing around on the floor, in the bath tub, the broom closet, the elevator, a fish tank...think of it as an expansion of what you’re already writing about, into FULL BLOWN erotica! You’re growing beyond mere romance.
Delease: (Glancing at Stanley’s pants) Speaking of growing...
Writer: Stanley, I’m not writing shit like that. I have my limits, you know.
Stanley: Au contraire! I don’t think you’re too far off the mark as it is.
Delease: Yeah, think of the possibilities. OOOH! In the first chapter, Stanley gets blown by Bookworm Bimbo here, but in the next chapter, he receives fellatio from the Redhead. Then he can get cum-sucked by the Brunette, and later he’ll be back to the original Bimbo! What a fascinating storyline!
Bimbo: Look, I don’t know if you’ve noticed or anything, but I’m still me, but with a super-amazing haircut! See? Oh, and the glasses.
(The Bimbo poses. Everyone stares at her blankly.)
Writer: Can we get back to genres, please?
Norbert: I still think that space thing -
Delease: Shut up.
Norbert: But -
Delease: I said, shut up.
Bimbo: How about a self-help book? Those are very cool! They help you, you know, help yourself. Like helping yourself to a danish.
Stanley: I don’t think that’s what they do, sweetheart.
Delease: But they could help you develop a personality of some sort.
Norbert: No, really, listen. There’s a whole sci-fi/fantasy cult genre thing going on. Once you write one of those books, you’ve got a following for life!
Writer: (After a pause for consideration, she gives in) Fine, go ahead.
Scene 7
(Lights dim as the characters rearrange themselves and the set. Delease is back on the couch “in stasis”, clutching an orange in her hands. Norbert is wearing a space helmet and Stanley is in a robe and wizard’s cap. The Bimbo and Stew hover in the corner wearing fairy wings.)
Norbert: IAM HEEEOOO FINEAERAIN ADY
Stanley: What say you, strange creature from the sky? Speak, or I shall place a thousand curses upon your soul.
(Norbert removes his helmet.)
Norbert: I am here to find a certain lady. (Spotting Delease) Ah! There she is.
Stanley: You speak of the Lady of Dreams. Some say she has slept here a millennia, perhaps longer.
Bimbo: (Stepping forward to speak) It’s a curse.
Norbert: There’s no curse. I have her in stasis. I must communicate with the mothership now. Excuse me.
(Norbert flips open a communicator and wanders away a moment. Stanley turns to Stew and the Bimbo.)
Stanley: Quick, nimble fairies, fly forth to Galderan and seek out Persea. She is the Witch of the North Sea. She must consult with Frenetta, the Sorceress. Tell them both to make haste and hurry forth to this, the land of Shapura. The halflings will guide them. Now, go - they will know what to do about this strange man.
(Stew and the Bimbo shrug and exit Norbert scans Delease.)
Stanley: Stop!
Norbert: What?
Stanley: It is forbidden to touch the Lady.
Norbert: I have to run a medical scan. The instruments will not harm her.
(Norbert continues his scan, then opens his communicator.)
Norbert: Captain, it’s her all right. And I’ve discovered something. She’s half Alpha Centaurian.
Stanley: There is no centaur blood running through her veins.
Norbert: She’s from a planet called Alpha Centauris. (Back to his communicator) Captain, I need HAL to run some tests. Here are the readings.
Delease: (Waking) Where am I?
Stanley: Gods! What has the Dark Lord visited upon us?
Delease: What’s with the toga?
Norbert: It’s a relief to finally find you, lieutenant.
Delease: Who are you?
Norbert: Oh no...
Stanley: Stand away from the Lady. This is obviously a ruse.
Norbert: She is obviously suffering from amnesia. You have no right to keep her here. She is part of our crew!
Delease: This mix is kinda confusing.
Stanley: She speaks in riddles. I know not what she means. You have poisoned her, cruel creature. Away with you!
Delease: And why am I holding an orange?
Norbert: Sustenance, in case you awoke.
Delease: Yeah, that makes about as much sense as this whole fucking thing.
Norbert: Delease!...
Those parties interested in producing The Paradise Lust Romance Series can purchase a sample copy at the base cost plus shipping - contact [email protected] to order.
